I’m feeling it big time—that pull that has me going in a handful of different directions. It’s the kind that has me dizzy and usually leaves me standing still.
There’s a pull towards getting back into my blogging game (Have you noticed I’ve been super quiet here? I miss this space and I’m fried and I’m actually typing this post in the note app on my phone one-handed as my boy naps on me), a pull to get more freelance work to bring in some extra cash for my family, the pull to get my home feeling more homey, and the pull to carve out more time for my friends. Then there’s the pull to get back to my long lost stitching passion (because I miss you stitching, do you miss me?). I’m being pulled to start a new creative venture (and literally stalk this class online like it’s an ex bf with a new gf) and a pull to push all that aside to spend all the time with my Des. He’s talking more and more, interacting, walking a bit and takes all of my attention all of the time. And most often this pull wins, as it should.
Mostly right now I want to get cozy with John on the couch for hours like we used to, watching some show marathon-style. I want a quilt and sweatpants and pizza and ice cream and a beer and my husband’s solitary company for hours…for days.
A few of my girlfriends had kids before me and I remember Amanda (hey Mands!) asking me on more than one occasion as she shook her head all wide eyed, “what do you even do with all your spare time?!” I would laugh and tell her I really didn’t know.
I’m still laughing at this question, but with a knowing and understanding. I get it, now. The answer is I watched shows marathon-style with sweatpants and quilts and pizza and beer. And I stitched whenever the heck I wanted. I went out and stayed up past 10. And it was glorious and I didn’t know. And now that you have two kids and I have one, I’m sure you still wonder what I do in my free time.
The pull is frustrating, but I guess it’s pretty great too. I’m thankful to have many interests, commitments, and people who count on me. It’s what I’m most grateful for because, really, I was probably kind of bored watching so many hours of great television whenever I so chose. Dinner and drinks out got old. Right?!?
I know that someday this freedom will again be mine, but for now I will remember it with nostalgia. Pull, pull, pull.