It’s a conversation John and I have had on more than a few occasions. We’re both reluctant to over expose our son online, of course, but over sharing looks a little different to each of us.
When Desmond was newer than he is now, in my efforts to share only so much, I would wait until I’d collected a certain amount of photos, choose only my favorites, and upload them all at once. It worked out that every couple of weeks I’d put up about 20 or so photos of my new, perfect boy.
I went along like this happily for awhile until John let me know I was over-doing it. I was immediately defensive. “But, this is an edited version of what I want to share,” I countered. “I want to post 200 photos and I’m only posting 20.” My feelings were hurt deeply, mostly because the last thing I want to do is hurt my son in any way, shape, or form. He’s so little and innocent, it broke my heart to think that I was over exposing him. I tear up just thinking of it. The sharing came from a place of love, and nothing else.
As I tried to compromise, I posted less to Facebook but continued to post on Instagram. This sounds crazy, I know, but I hope other mothers might relate, so I’m just letting the crazy fly here. When he was about four months old I started this blog and, again, Desmond became my favorite subject. The blog meant more Des online…
I was having a lousy morning on Friday and for the first time I recognized in myself, without being called out by my husband first, that I might have been posting too much Des. In this moment of self doubt, I decided I should probably just close down shop on this blog all together. Or maybe I’d only post about graphic design. Or maybe I’d pick up origami, and post about that. Maybe I’d start tight rope walking, so I’d have something else to write about. But, then none of that felt right either. I’m truly enjoying chronicling my experiences and feelings as a new mom, and that’s what I’m most passionate writing about. My mom posts seem to be most read, too. I was really struggling with what to do.
Friday night I put on a new documentary I’ve been wanting to watch for some time, American Blogger, and being the good sport he is, John sat down to watch it with me. And while I heard snores before the credits rolled, I know he made it through enough to share in some of the revelations I had.
Listening to the words of other bloggers who seemed a lot like me, I felt reaffirmed in my own feelings. Sharing my son doesn’t have to be negative, in fact, it’s truly the opposite. I’m doing this so that he, and I, can look back and remember our lives and the way they are right. at. this. moment. A lifestyle blog, what this seems to be evolving into, is a snap shot in time. A frozen moment that I would otherwise forget: a Wednesday afternoon, a sunny day in the park, or a true but fleeting feeling. I love that someday he might read these words and know just how crazy (in more ways than one) his momma was and always will be for him.
So I say this, as a reminder to myself as much as to anyone else, that I share with purpose and intention. While I might post about our daily goings on, there is so much that won’t be here. There are moments that I hold most dear to my heart that I share with only my husband and only my baby. If this is truly my online journal, without Desmond there would be a lot of blank pages.